Trust in the Midst of Trials: Looking Back, Looking Up
Trust in the Midst of Trials: Looking Back, Looking Up
There are seasons when faith feels strong and unshakable, and seasons when questions rise to the surface. As I look back over the years — through pain, surgeries, healing, setbacks, and unexpected blessings — I can see how Father God has shaped my trust in Him. This reflection is part of that journey.
December 2017
I’ve often said that I’ve learned to trust the Lord in all things. In my post Salvation, I wrote about the many times the Lord has saved me from harm throughout my life. That trust was built by looking back and realizing that God had His hand on me again and again.
But during this time, I also had moments where I questioned even the existence of God. Maybe it was the enemy whispering. Maybe it was the weariness of a long journey. Maybe it was simply being human.
Back in August of 2015, I wrote a post called “Funny Dream” (now titled "A Divine Handshake… With Dog Paws"). In that dream, it felt like God was telling me that the problems with my back would not be as bad as I feared — and we “shook hands” on it. At the time, I was trying to convince myself to trust Him. I said, almost as a declaration to my own soul, “I WILL TRUST YOU, LORD.”
There was no timeline. No promise of how much better things would get. Back then, I imagined myself becoming an invalid, unable to do anything. I still had back pain at the time, and I feared it would only get worse. I longed for the days when pain came only from working hard or exercising.
I reminded myself that God’s timing is not ours. I believed — and still believe — that the bodies we will have in the next life will be far beyond anything we can imagine. Maybe that’s when the full healing would come. But I also thought about the stories in Scripture where the impossible became possible. Maybe God still had something in store for me in this life. I would just have to wait and see.
6/25/2026
A lot has happened since I first wrote those words in December of 2017. I’ve had two cervical spine surgeries, two lumbar surgeries, several other procedures, and radiation treatments for prostate cancer.
Today, my PSA number is almost zero — praise God. I no longer deal with sciatica pain. And right now, I’m in physical therapy after my most recent lumbar surgery, learning how to move in better, healthier ways. I’m improving. I’m getting stronger. I’m learning to use my body differently, and it’s helping.
And through all of this — I still trust Father God.
One thing I’ve come to understand is this:
If I had not gone through these issues, I would not have this blog.
My mind naturally drifts toward trying to “solve the world’s problems,” but these physical limitations keep pulling my thoughts back to this work… back to Father God… back to Yeshua. And I’ve realized something surprising:
I truly love doing this.
I’m constantly learning. Constantly seeing more of the kingdom. Constantly being drawn deeper into understanding what it means to become ONE with Him.
If this work brings even one person to Christ…
If it helps someone find the WAY…
If it encourages someone to trust the Father…
Then everything I’ve gone through has been worth it.
Thinking about my Hammer story — doing this work through the Holy Spirit and Yeshua is part of me becoming ONE.
Prayer
Father God,
Thank You for walking with me through every season — the strong days and the questioning days. Strengthen my trust, steady my heart, and keep my eyes fixed on You. Use my story, my struggles, and my growth to guide others toward Your kingdom. Let Your Spirit continue shaping me into ONE with You and with Yeshua.
Amen.
